Beautifully Chaotic: DeLeon Farm

beginning: The initial portion of some extended thing.

The De Leon Farm

Oh, how just seeing this stove makes me remember how my grandparents house smelled of homemade tortillas. Always homemade, hand flipped, by grandma. She lights it with a match, I think this is the same stove from when i was little. Golly.

Right behind the house is fields. I used to run near them when i was younger. Key word is "near". They'd Creep me out. Easton thought they were fun.... until something touched him.

This is where they used to have their garden. It's a massive spot. Thinking of having a garden that huge makes my head hurt. Easton thought it was perfect place to throw dirt clumps.

And this is Him. My grandpa.

This man is a farmer.

The reason i own boots. The reason i think i can grow anything, even though proven many many times wrong. Claiming "it's in my blood!!" Look at his shirt, so fabulously country. He's always been quite with a raspy voice, and this laugh that I love to hear. I remember watching him come in and sit on the sofa in the living room, take off his hat and rest. He always had a certain smell to him, an unforgettable smell.

Over the past years i haven't seen him. Time has taken it's toll on him. He is now having a few health problems. He had never met Carlos or my kids. I know i'm horrible. And no i don't want you to say "but life is busy and we get caught up..." blah blah blah. Sorry, but when did letting our lives run us become ok?? Is ignoring our family and being selfish ok?? by no means. It had been 10 Years, way too long. The last time i was there i was a brat. ugh, i needed to redeem myself, from that vision.

This past weekend we went to visit them. It's a nine hour drive. The kids did amazing, never had to stop due to crying baby or fits. This was Fi's first time to travel in a car over 2 hours, and 1st time to somewhere other then her crib. She did great, which is a blessing.

We got there Saturday around 7:45. Carlos took this picture. " i said yep you got a picture of the propane tank, great." I had missed it. " The sunset, K"

I had so much on my mind. The past week was filled with wrapping up summer youth stuff, capture the flag, and a text message that wrecked me.

"Your brother just came back from seeing Grandpa, i have never seen him this upset, just giving you a heads up." I didn't text or call back. I was trying to ignore the fact that my grandpa's mortality was staring me in the face. "I mean its my grandpa. The man i thought my dad would become when he got older, the man whom seemed so strong and noble. Now he's not doing well" It wrecked me. Crying off and on, thinking of all the things i had missed, all this time and now here we are, can't reverse it. Thinking if it hard for my brother to see him, how hard it was gonna be for me, i am the dramatic one of the family. Just ask them they'll agree.

I tried not to think of the situation on the drive. Since i get car sick easy, i just was talking and looking at the scenery, or handing snacks to the kids. I prayed for time with him, time with the family, peace in my heart so the emotions wouldn't come spewing out. They didn't need to see that. I wanted Joy, Joy in the time i do have with the family up there, 500 miles away.

Saturday we got an hour or so with them, with the farm.
Walked around for a while, and talked to Grandma.

Then we needed sleep. Off to grab some thing to eat then the hotel. Well in a small farming town there is nothing to grab, unless you want to go the next town over. Not joking!

Turns out my cousins had just finished bbqing and they had enough food for us. Plus they also knew how to get to the hotel, and we clearly didn't.

We got to the hotel almost midnight. Way past the kids bed time. But you wouldn't know it. they loved the bell hop bag thingy, articulate huh?